Death by Sex

"Just one more bug trying to ruin your sex life!"
The odds of catching a sexually transmitted infection ....
Chlamydia

Evil bacteria "chlamydia trachomatis" jumps ship during oral sex, proper nookie or, oddly, by getting spunk in your eye.

Syphilis

It's simple-Mr. Pecker rubs against infected lesions inside a vagina/anus, scabs crack, exciting-sounding "Treponema Pallidum" bacteria escapes .... and then writhes into your bloodstream to start munching your organs.

NSU

Your tongue or penis has to barely enter a chlamydia, herpes, thrush, gonorrhoea or warts-infected vagina (or rectum for you Greeks) and on top of catching that disease you'll probably develop Non-Specific Urethritis, too.

HIV

Have unprotected jiggy with an HIV carrier and there's a 70% chance the virus will infect you, then a 100% chance it'll develop into the fatal AIDS.

Herpes

A cheery nosh from someone sporting face-biscuits and the grim virus will spread sores across your undercarriage. Shag and it hops like a'roo from genital to genital.

Trichomoniasis

As if vaginas weren't scary enough, get a microscope and you'll see "Trichomoniasis Vaginalis" parasites waving their four antennae. Every lass needs a few, for cleanliness, but come a bacteria upset (caused by dirty pants) and the bugs breed so much they'll seek asylum on you.

Genital Warts

There are more than 100 types of "Human Papillomavirus", which pop up 12 weeks after oral, genital or anal sex with an infectee.

Gonorrhoea

Penis or mouth merely brushing the infected innards of fanny (english) or fanny (American) allows "Neisseria Gonorhoea" microbes to worm across and start spreading their special, gloopy mucous.

Hepatitis B

Exchange bodily fluids (blood/spunk) with an infectee and there's 70% chance you'll pick up this incurable killer virus.